Dating Connor

I told my dream guy I wasn’t having sex. He still wanted to know how far I go. I contemplated going down on . . .

Staying a virgin’s difficult when your dreams have completed the act

Romans 7:21

The Saints,

I bet they had no idea they were grooming me to lie, I made no promises. I said what they wanted to hear. They asked if I’d serve God until I die, I think so, what will it cost?And save sex for marriage? That’s personal but yeah but I only did so until my desires overpowered it, I needed to know that God would give me what I want. In doing so I tested God a while back, to see if he’d give me what I want, I made him choose between “my dream guy” and”stardom”. I’d been crushing for a year now and wasn’t about to ask him out. God was going to have to do everything himself.

I unconsciously helped him out when I told his co-worker about my crush. She wanted to know why I was single and not putting out wasn’t a reason. Numbers were exchanged and we eventually talked but I could tell he wasn’t sure about dating me.Dating was an investment in which most seek a return this was made clear when he asked if I kept all the commandments. When I said yeah he re-emphasized THE COMMANDMENTS .

I knew what he was asking but couldn’t bring myself to say it but I had every intention of keeping that commandment. I knew I’d eventually get to that point where I’d think differently but I’d die a virgin if it meant stardom.

I was really upset about the question, I knew sex was common, I don’t know why I thought things would be different. So I talked to my uncle about it, he wouldn’t let me feel bad. He actually reprimanded the guy in his absence.

He said:

“First of all A, a guy never needs to ask that, cause if he’s doing his thing he’ll get what he wants.”

Needless to say, I was both scared and relieved after that. I told my dream guy I wasn’t having sex with him. He still wanted to know how far I would go. I kinda didn’t have an answer for that. I contemplated going down on guys a while back but could never bring myself to do it. I don’t know what I told him but we eventually started dating. He knew I’d never been kissed.  I was waiting for him to fulfill that and each date made me want him more. And I’ve wanted guys before him, but I wanted him bad, unfortunately I stopped seeing him before that.

I eventually asked him why he never kissed me. I was sure he wanted to make me suffer, or punish me till I forced him to do it. But it was nothing like that, I was completely wrong, it’s too bad I left before that. Part of me wishes I went ahead and took it, but the dream of me pregnant with his child scared me. I severed all ties with him and didn’t even tell him why I did it. I knew it was dumb to leave a guy subconsciously but I eventually revealed it later because while I said no sex, I never dismissed the fact that I was human. Cause in my dream with him I’d already completed the act. My brain had me so convinced I examined my vagina for weeks after that. We’re both good now, we communicate from time to time. I still haven’t reached stardom but my virginity’s still in tact.

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