Have you ever hid behind a rock and watched someone else go down for what you did? It took ten years for me to gets the guts to come clean with him. So I came clean about it to him and everyone but Ryan, but mom and dad will be the last to know.
I sat in the car with Ian and Kylie, Kylie was in the drivers seat and I had the back row to myself. Ian had his playlist playing, something I actually liked and I was back and forth about telling him about it. Halfway to the mall I just blurted “Ian I owe you an apology for what happened a while back, I shoulda come forward when they blamed you for the porn” then I closed my eyes and waited for the worst but my thoughts just took me back to that moment:
Ian, were you watching porn?
Do you know what porn is?
I silently prayed on the other side of mom and dad’s door. Ian didn’t have a choice because they didn’t believe him. Listening to my brother and their accusations reinforced my addiction to porn.
They prayed for him. I prayed for myself but I silently said a prayer for him too: Ian my love, I’m such a horrible sis, I shouldn’t have sacrificed you. You’re too young to shoulder it but mom and dad will kill me they’ll be easier on you but they won’t be able to help me. Books were taking to long to get to the point and porn gives me exactly what I want.
I was totally unprepared for his response, he just laughed until we both begged him to stop. I think I woulda preferred he yell but that part still hasn’t happened. So I texted him the link to my blog and shared my plans to tell mom. We all sat in silence after that.
Click here to check-out Ian’s Debut in Ian the Great
Click here to check to the backstory of how my addiction started in Groomed for Porn
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