Now that I’m not dating I’m forced to write from the heart and I am now as lonely as I’ve ever been. The night job managed to tire me out and occupy almost all of my free time so when I was asked out I couldn’t go if I wanted to.
I never did see Christmas Weekend after my night at Aarons’, Logan’s invitation to hang out made me push him away. Tonight was different because he wasn’t actually himself, he was so drunk he invited himself over to my place. I got so scared I told him I was tired because it was late, he bought it but he gave me a hard time. The truth was I wasn’t strong enough to stay on the phone with him or inside. Had it been a few days earlier I would’ve come outside and kept him company, after all I’ve been throwing myself at him these past couple of weeks. I told him I wanted my first kiss to be with him and texted him “the ball’s in your court” so he’s had every advantage except he didn’t want me.
I finished a book a few days before convincing me to leave dating behind but he’s been the perfect gentleman up until tonight. I don’t know how long it’s gonna last but it’s been working up until now and the rest I’ve just been laying it by ear. It’s too bad his timing was aweful, circumstances so bad he called me drunk a few days after I’d kissed dating goodbye.
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