I’ve worked all their shifts but I only told one, he was the closest to asking so I caved.
“You don’t come early anymore?”
I told him the story of sire’s death, he understands that coming early means re-living it.
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Mom begged me to go to church with her, I really don’t know why she bothers. It takes longer to get him ready than time spent there. It’s the only day he’s out the house and I haven’t been in weeks so I wasn’t in a rush to return. Ian went away for the weekend and mom needed help, it was the least I can do since she hasn’t enforced the two hour rule.
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This is Part 2 of Missed Call
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She drove to emergency, so why did she want me there?
It’s too far to walk from the parking lot.
She drove about thirty but it felt like ninety on the highway. I prayed for the passerby’s and the parked car’s safety. I know thirty isn’t that fast but it is when local traffic’s crowded and you’re in a car that swerves left-to-right. It was my punishment, I really hate when she drives fast but I had no choice but to breathe or hold my breath.
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I left at five am but she called around six and I didn’t check my phone til after eight.
“Where were you?”
“I was at the gym”
“Three hours”
“No, two and a half”
She’s been in pain since Friday, it’s uncomfortable to walk so Ian told her to go to the ER. So why do they keep me out of the loop when I’m supposed to drive her there? Who knows but she’ll be mad the whole day.
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Racing To The ER
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Tommy kept his training wheels on the longest but he’s also one of my best students. He finds me when I’m here and even holds his own without any help from me.
I don’t always see Tommy when I walk the gym but he always finds me when he’s here. Our conversations are all smiles and one-word answers until one of us finally walk away.
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I said I would behave with no intention of behaving
now I have no choice but to do the right thing
I can’t be alone, I mean I can be for a little while before the urge to seek a man’s company overwhelms me completely. And I feel like I’m dying, everyday is harder than the next. There is a part of me that is already dead and I will suffer until I’m joined with death completely.
Nothing can keep me here, I’m too forgone, love and lust are just a means to an end. I said I would behave with no intention of behaving and now I have no choice but to do the right thing.
I miss X-Mas Weekend but I may never see him again, he was diagnosed with a fatal illness a few weeks ago. I’d still see him if he asked but he is useless to me now, it would hurt him too much to satisfy me while still in recovery. He tires easily, his pills make him throw up, that and the combination of dialysis doesn’t leave him with a bright future.
I remember how he likes my honesty, always smiling at my response and laughing even though it wasn’t funny.
“Why’d you come over”
“I needed to see you”
“You needed to see me”
“Please don’t make me beg”
After this little game he’d give me what I want and I’d stay over until curfew threatened me seeing him again. So maybe his illness is a good thing, it’ll keep me from misbehaving, I could fall asleep in his bed while he’s resting next to me.
I don’t wish evil on anyone but it’s eating me up that he’s sick
but I have no choice but to leave him alone.
I miss him like crazy but it’s too early to see him again,
I’ll see him eventually, hopefully before it is too late.
It’s selfish of me to stay away from him but I know what I’ve become, I’d hurt him in effortlessly if I tried to seek pleasure from him while he’s still in pain. So if I ever go see him I would have had to have my satisfaction the night before because even after that it might not be enough to keep my clothes on.
“Because life without X-Mas is a death within itself
because porn doesn’t do it anymore”.
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This is Part 2 of Acting Out
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I wasn’t sitting ten minutes when a popular song came on when I got up and started dancing again. That’s when the hottest dancer there pulled me to the center of the floor and started grinding on me like I was his girl.
I loved the attention, didn’t mind the aggression, we only went a little ways outside my comfort level. After a few songs with him I headed to the ladies room before hitting the bar and rejoining my crew at the table.
I saw him first, sitting with a group of friends checking out The Body Paint Girls and Santa Chicks. He smiled when he caught me looking, I returned his smile but looked away because I couldn’t ask him out.
A half hour later my table was back on the floor dancing with each other and some friends. Someone came up from behind me and started dancing with me so I casually turned around to face them. It was the “Pretty Boy” from earlier even cuter than before trying to get my attention. He pulled me so close I could tell he was hard by the heat of his erection below.
As it got closer to morning I looked up to see him against a wall and a Body Paint Girl with him. I wanted him back, I wanted to be that girl, I wanted his erection up against my center.
If it got too hot I’d let that Body Paint Girl finish it, I pretty sure she’d let him crush without a condom.
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Adrianna's Diary of a Church Girl 