Playing with Fire

Suggested Reading: Groomed for Porn
Click here for Groomed for Porn

I knew better than to play with fire, but no one at my night job was up. I found myself scanning the list of active users on Facebook, saw Nick was up and in-boxed him.

You do not need to read Groomed for Porn to understand it but reading it will give you a deeper understanding of this piece

Scripture James 3:5

I was attracted to Nick, had been for a while now but I knew one date with him would change me. I’d be like a new vampire thirsty for sex, he’d have to tame me or throw me to the wolves. He knew about the kiss and my lack of experience but he was gentle in the way he handled me. He offered to fulfill that desire, but I knew my body so I sought advice outside my body and asked my uncle. He didn’t advise me against it but he strongly cautioned me

He said:

I’m not going to tell you what to do A, but he’s got a lot of experience, you haven’t done much and he’s older than you

He needn’t say more, my brain made its decision,

I knew a date with him was like dating Satan himself, my virginity’s be long gone before the night was over. He knew I was attracted to him, I told him he was cute but I didn’t want to give my virginity to him. It didn’t stop him from asking, it just got easier to turn him down so I told him  I was coming over when I wasn’t.

I was working the night shift at my job, I was getting off soon, I found myself scanning the list of active users on Facebook. When I saw he was up, I in-boxed him, he seemed surprised but we kept each other up. I was already up, didn’t need any help but a wave of excitement added an extra rush. He suggested we move our conversation from Facebook to our providers and started communicating through text messages. The conversation progressed quickly, he knew how I was, the same as always, the girl who dates has never been kissed. He’s offered to fulfill that desire but I kinda new it’d go a lot further than it.

He invited me over, I said I’d ok it if I could sleep knowing I wouldn’t get a wink of sleep there. I’d stay up cause I’d never trusted a man enough to sleep at his place outside family. His experience proceeded him, I already knew that, we both knew I wasn’t coming over there to sleep. He didn’t say right away what we’d do but I knew what we weren’t I just wasn’t sure if my body knew it too. We began finalizing plans an hour later and I was too far in to back down. But when he asked for the address I had to think again cause I thought he knew I was clowning around.

Things got a little serious when he up’ed the ante and I realized there were certain things I wouldn’t do. I only had phone sex with one guy, he was a manager and I had no intention of doing that this soon.I checked out of the conversation and checked back into life Did he seriously think I was coming to his place, without showering or us ever even dating. I lacked a lot but I wasn’t dumb, I wasn’t going there without looking good enough to fuck .

There’s no way I was gonna let him bag me without him doing the work when guys before won less with more. Then it hits me, he probably doesn’t know I have no intention of seeing this through.  I make a dash to the restroom, part of me wants to throw up. I look at the texts again I let it go too far, too soon. I take a deep breath, and I’m thinking to myself I could end it after he got me off. His last text betrayed his desire to have fun but the work-place was not the place to get off. There were people around I’d have to recover quickly and tame my desires all while also getting him off at his place. Seemingly fun I got ready to send the next text cause I didn’t want to come clean before mentally getting some.

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